wrigley field is MILF paradise
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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