Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
