one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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