Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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