After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think i got beer on your cat.
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