remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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