you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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