Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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