Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
