Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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