I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
