Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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