I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize