I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
