so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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