Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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