I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
