yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
