i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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