I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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