It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
