You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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