after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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