The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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