.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
