glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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