this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
