??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
