i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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