All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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