i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
