oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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