It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
