Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
