Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
