Will you blow on my dice?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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