Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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