So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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