i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
