I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
