Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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