I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
