I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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