The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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