Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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