He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
