3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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