im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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