My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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