The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
