Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
