i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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