That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize