After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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