do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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