I cut my penus on the lid.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
