She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
