Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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