So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need water and some morals
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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